Why Toxic People Are a Blessing

We all have people in our life that have no business being there. It’s a sad fact that we put up with shit that doesn’t make us happy. Whether that be bitchy friends, jealous coworkers, or lovers with erectile dysfunction, we accept people and then scratch our heads when they act exactly as they have been all along. And while we may have put up with something for days, months, or even years, there comes a point when we hit a limit. And suddenly, something we once tolerated feels like nails on a chalkboard.

If you’re anything like me, you’re wondering “what changed?”  You did! You got healthier and happier. And just like alcohol, sobering up from toxic people leaves you with more energy, better skin, and a low tolerance for bullshit. But before you cut people out of your life and switch to Shirley Temples, let’s explore why you should be thankful these people showed up in your life.

Normally, I can’t stand cliché “spiritual” sayings like “everything happens for a reason” or “every cloud has a silver lining,” but there is one I’m particularly fond of:

“Relationships are our greatest spiritual assignments.”

So, WTF does that mean?

Let’s look at an example:

When I was younger, I attracted men who triggered (and confirmed) the area where I needed to grow the most. I was a codependent, constantly searching for external validation that I was lovable, valuable, and worthy. More often than not, it meant that I chose men who reflected my reality back to me. They treated me how I treated myself. And to be honest, it was pretty shitty.

What I didn’t realize is that we accept the love we think we deserve. And I thought I deserved crap. While I loved blaming them (who doesn’t), there came a time when I had to look at the common denominator: me. I had beliefs about who I was that weren’t serving me, enabling me to tolerate less than I deserved. Here’s where the whole “spiritual assignment” comes in:

We bring in people who mirror exactly where we are in our journey. They trigger the exact lessons we need to learn in order to grow. The lesson I was stuck on was learning to love from the inside-out rather than the outside-in.

When it comes to these spiritual assignments, what if we addressed our shit before involving others?

What if we looked at the lessons we need to learn in order to evolve?

Sure, letting go of toxic people can be hard. It can be challenging to renegotiate boundaries that have existed for so long. But we aren’t selfish for wanting to feel free. We don’t owe it to others to remain unhappy. We weren’t meant to live as victims, martyrs, or punching bags.

We are meant to look at the situations we align with and release self-judgment and limiting beliefs. It’s our job to give up what we were in order to align with our higher self, the person we are meant to be.

So what’s the ultimate spiritual assignment? To be the one you’ve been waiting for. To fill yourself with self-love and have that mirrored back to you, releasing all that doesn’t serve you along the way.

What's one lesson you've learned about yourself from maintaining a toxic relationship? Share your story below!